ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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