I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
