So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
