Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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