FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
