And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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