Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
