fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
