ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize