I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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