You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
