guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
