wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
