and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
