I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
