So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
