Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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