Someone shit on the floor
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
