This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fuck appropriateness.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
