i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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