we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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