The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
