we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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