does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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