i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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