Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
