soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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