Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
