clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
