i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think im going to throw up on grandma
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
