Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love you. Go after that dick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize