My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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