So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
