Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
