i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
