we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
