i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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