i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize