Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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