At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
