do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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