so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
