Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
