I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
