Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
