how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
