those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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