we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
