I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
