dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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