Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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