I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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