yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize