I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
