Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
