the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
