Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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