i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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