Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
