My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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