I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
