Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
