I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
