hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
