He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
