She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
