i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
