she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
