So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
