it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
